Straight Pride?

So, this weekend I attended Pride Toronto for the fourth year in a row. This is the second year that I’ve attended and been in a relationship, which definitely affects the direction my Pride takes. However, this is not about my decline into an incredibly boring person, but rather things that I saw during Pride that disturbed me.

This year I noticed an influx of people who were treating the street fair like a zoo, like people who were happily enjoying their significant others were an attraction to be gawked at. To be honest, a lot of time it felt like the Crocodile Hunter (R.I.P.) should be walking around with these people saying “Loooook, it’s a wild lesbian in their natural habitat. Let’s get closah!” I’m not sure if this was more evident to me this year, because this year I spent quite a bit more time sober than I ever have before, or simply because despite the fact that people think the political part of Pride is dead, we’ve made people feel like that is acceptable behaviour. I watched conversations of straight people where one person would point to someone and the other person would say “Oh, no, I already got a picture of that one.” And this was in reference to people who were not outlandishly dressed. Not only that but two young men came up to my friends and I and asked if they could take their picture with us. We were standing around having a conversation in the middle of the street. And people try to argue that outrageous outfits are to blame for this sort of behaviour. We were all wearing shorts and tank tops. That is not okay.

I also heard the argument that straight people should use Pride to show “Straight Pride”. And while I agree that everyone should embrace their sexuality, no matter where it falls on the Kinsey scale, I do not agree with that. Pride for me means that I feel safe enough to walk down the street holding my partner’s hand without fear of violence. It means having a few days where I don’t feel like expressing my love/affection for someone I’ve been dating for nearly two years could result in people trying to shame us, throw shade, or hurl insults at us. We still put up with “joking” comments from straight friends about our sexuality, and while I am an equal opportunity mocker, I’d like people to show some respect for my relationship. At least occasionally.

“Straight Pride” happens every minute, of every day, in every country. Straight Pride means that your partner and your children will be recognized as part of your family if you’re on your death bed. Or that your government will recognize your marriage and not deport your partner. That your country will not pass laws that not only allow, but encourage, your death.

I’m certain that this won’t change, and I am proud to say that Toronto Pride did not experience vandalism like Chicago. However, with WorldPride on its way to Toronto in 2014 I hope that people will understand that Pride is great for the economy, but it’s also important politically. I do not begrudge the presence of allies, just engagement of the festival like it is some voyeuristic show to be taken in, photographed, and looked at like we are some sort of freak show.

My love is as real, and as normal, as the relationships of the people who chose to gawk at us. Please, respect it.

SlutWalk Toronto

Like a true student I figured that today, while I’m in the middle of writing a paper that’s over a week late, and have 5000 words to write on the other side of the horizon, would be the perfect time for me to get back to blogging. Naturally. Who needs an 80% average?

This weekend I took part in the SlutWalk Toronto, it was my first protest of any kind, which I find rather surprising given my long history of trying to “stick it to the man.” While I do not personally claim the word “slut” as my own, and probably never will, the message behind the walk is something that I stand behind fully. While I can understand why many people disagree with the word, what I think they should have a bigger problem with is “slut-shaming.” Slut-shaming has been defined as the shaming/attacking of women who choose to have one or more sexual partners. Slut-shaming may also include shaming for embracing their sexuality in any way.

I am a “prude.” In my younger days I found that word to be shaming. I was ashamed that I had never felt the need to have a lot of sexual partners. I was ashamed that I was committed to people for most of my teen years, and thus was unable to engage in promiscuous behaviour. And I was embarrassed, because I thought that others would see the small number of partners I’ve had and believe that it is because I am unattractive (which is often how I felt). But what my choice to have so few partners really meant for me was indicative of my inability to understand the choice to give a part of yourself to someone so freely. However, this is not rooted in gender. This is something that I question about everyone. I am always curious about the idea of free sexual encounters. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy sex, and currently have a very healthy sex life. But I was never able to engage in random (or not so random) sexual encounters. I’ve had one one night stand, and while I do not regret it, I also don’t remember very much of it.

While I believe that any person is entitled to make their own choices I always wonder about safety, about positive sexual experiences, and about loving your body and yourself before allowing someone else to see you as a sexual being. That is what has always been important to me. And that is something I always hope is true for people engaging in these activities; that they are taking positive experiences away from them.

But I digress. SlutwalkToronto was a huge success in my mind. Women should not feel guilty for dressing a certain way, and the excuses that are being created for men need to stop. If we are living in a society that prides itself upon being civilized then there is absolutely no excuse for police officers to tell young women not to dress like “sluts.” People should worry less about appearances and worry more about creating healthy attitudes about sexuality that could greatly change the frequency of sexual assaults. I believe that the promotion of real sexuality, not an appearance that is perceived as sexualized or willing, would greatly change the way that people interact with one another.

And that’s what the SlutWalk was about. When it boils down to it it was not an issue of sexual liberty, or free love, but rather the ability of women to feel safe wearing what they want. There is no such thing as an invitation to rape. And the insistence of society to blame women for horrendous acts committed against them is completely unacceptable. If the walk created visibility for the unjust behaviour coming from the Police Dept and other members of society then I’m glad that it’s doing something.

I hope that the backlash against feminism and being sex positive will fizzle out soon. The rise of puritanical values is disturbing, and not very promising for the safety of young women.